i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My ATM looks so different sober.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
