Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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