Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
