I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
