My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
