bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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