dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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