Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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