went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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