I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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