I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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