what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
