On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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