I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
