Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
