New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
True college students do jello shots in the library
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