Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
