Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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