my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
