you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
