first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
