dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
