I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
