i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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