youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
