Plan B is the new Plan A
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
