people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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