i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
