So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
