did you get engaged???
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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