wat bout pragnant strippers??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
