Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
