He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
