New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
