I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Holy sore nipples Batman
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
