U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
