sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
