Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
