i permit you to call me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
