carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
