I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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