I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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