wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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