This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
