the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
