Where is the hickey?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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