I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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