Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
