i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
