It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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