Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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