Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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