what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
